so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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