what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize