What did we do last night that was yellow?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
