Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
