no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
