My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Say something about gay babies.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
