she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize