I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
that is very illegal...i love you.
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