Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
