Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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