I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
