i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
