I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
