can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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