If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
