Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
