no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize