Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
