It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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