he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
