if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
