Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
