I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
