After last night, I could never be a politician.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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