can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
