Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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