Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
