I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
They have beer where we have blood.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
