all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
