Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
