it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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