My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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