She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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