I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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