Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
