Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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