Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
