you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
