last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
