booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
