i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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