I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
