Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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