Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
