I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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