I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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