he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize