Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
