Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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