I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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