man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize