A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
