I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
