I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
