ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
