I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
