But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
