sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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