I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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