and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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