so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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