How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
