I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
