Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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