In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
