my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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