Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
