Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
