I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
