i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
