I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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