It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize