Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
