it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
