hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
