I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
