dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
